You were thirty-five when your soul was twisted black. A snarling, howling monster, you could no longer remember what it even felt like to live with the weight of the world suffocating you. It was like you had found the answer, the cure, the way. Your wretched soul was like divine light and sanity. The black smoke inside, your mark, your blade, they became your family. It had taken far too long, but finally you were free.
-You were by crossroadscastiel
I don’t wanna defend current!Dean because he’s being an absolute douche and at some point he’ll have to take responsibility for all of it. And he should.
But I’m looking at the second gif and I’m heartbroken by the fact that even as a demon, even at the top of his hedonism doing shitty karaoke and having casual sex and picking fights and drinking till he passes out, Dean still looks like a lost kid desperately needing someone who’ll take care of him for once, instead of the contrary. He’s drunk already but his unguarded and unexpectedly soft expression in the gif reminds me of a sad, intoxicated, non-smiley version of the one he makes when Mary touches his head in Dark Side Of The Moon (5x16):
He looks so, so very vulnerable, and even as a demon, he can’t hide it or magically wish away that part of himself he struggles to accept. It makes me think of how it becomes clear in the scene after that how much he still hates himself, as well - so nothing’s changed there either. He’s playing a game he can never ever win, no matter what he does, and he hasn’t realized it yet.
hey guys what do yall think of my new theme and domain?
btw im doing a tattoo thingy now so if you want one, send me a pic of you (and the part of your body where you want the tat) and tell me, what kind you want, ill hopefully be able to do it! :)
